Today I had a request for one of my clients to write some breakup tips, quite ironic as it’s literally ten years to the day that I experienced a long term relationship breakup.
I remember the date, not just because it was a traumatic day but because the same week I lost my job and flat; we were due to move into a new place the next week. As I write this, the same me ten years ago was probably sat on the floor in my flat – despairing at what on earth was to become of me!
Ten years later, life is very different, I’m in a happy relationship, run my own business and live in a completely different place by the sea.
When your world is turned upside down after a breakup you tend to think life will never be the same again, starting afresh seems like an exhausting thought. And it is exhausting, but the outcome is usually a positive one.
The thought of meeting anyone else seems like the most offensive thought in the world, meeting new people seems like an effort – you long for the ease and comfort of the past even though, when you really think about it you know you know things weren’t right – or you would still be together.
Friends and family are key – new surroundings, keeping busy, letting yourself turn up the ballads and sob when you feel like it and getting all the answers you need to move forward. I lived with my ex for 8 weeks after the break up and it was agony – I do not advise this but it did get me closure. I never ever had unanswered questions.
I read every book I could get my hands on – none particularly helped, but you have to do what works for you and try everything! It was my Sex and the City box set that really helped me, I had never watched it in the height of its success and was late to the party but it came at the right time for me; I spent my nights watching Carrie and Co and falling in love with McDreamy from Grey’s Anatomy (another series that had just started). It may sound a bit silly, but these things were my comfort blanket at the time.
Obviously, like with everything, everyone has their own time frame for healing and it really can’t be rushed. A friend of mine once asked me after her breakup “When will I feel better?” I told her I didn’t know when but that she that would – soon. She is now happily married to someone new, the pain of the past a distant memory.
Of course I didn’t just watch Sex and the City every night; after a couple of months I connected with old friends on facebook, organised a school reunion and kept myself super busy!
Old friends soothed my pain with deliveries of mcdonald’s and wine where and when needed; they cried with me – for me and never once told me to pull myself together – they knew I would, as will you if you are going through this right now.
After all its called a Breakup because it’s Broken – you can read the book here.