Should we stay in touch with our exes?


When I broke up with my ex (2 years ago) the thing that horrified me to my very core was that I wouldn’t see/speak to him ever again?! For 6 years we had spoken to each other every single day (like you do) and lived with each other almost since day one (This was more circumstantial than for any other reason as we had met when we were both working at a holiday camp – this is another story for another time as you can imagine). The first thing my closest friends advised me was that once he had moved out, the only way to get over him was to cut him off completely. This was not even an option in my head – totally unfathomable. He was entwined with every part of my life, family and friends. I couldn’t believe that I would be able to function without him, let alone not see or speak to him. Even though at 25 when I met him I was totally independent and remained reasonably so throughout, it was at the time, something I would not even consider. Despite being totally naive and thinking that we could stay in touch and be the best of friends, this was clearly not the case and once the trauma of him moving out was over we just sent the odd text enquiring after each others well being and then it just dwindled down to the odd email that usually just said ‘are you okay?’ and there is really not much you can reply to that question apart from yes or no.
The last verbal conversation I had with him was over a year and a half ago now and even though I am over him – I have absolutely no desire to speak with him or see him again. Every few months we do send the odd polite email enquiring after each others relatives, but I would not want or dream of anything more as even then when I see his email pop up I can feel a dark cloud loom over me, funny to think he was someone who once made me so happy. It still astounds me that people can come in to our lives and feature so dominantly in them for so many years and then just vanish like they had never been there in the first place. Our survival instinct is a great thing!
I really sympathise with couples that split up and have children, who then have to experience seeing their ex every other weekend etc…It must be VERY challenging and slightly traumatic! If it is a mutual and amicable split and you can stay in touch quite happily, for the sake of children or just in general then that is great but from what I know, quite rare. My friend Suzie had both her children and her two ex husbands along for Christmas dinner one year so I am aware it is possible! I never thought I would say it, but the only way to really mend a broken heart is to cease all contact with the breaker – how can you grieve the loss of someone or something unless they are truly gone? Until you are over them the only way forward is DELETE, DELETE, DELETE!

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6 Comments

  1. April 22, 2009 / 5:35 pm

    Oh yes….. Delete! Love the blog, you are really getting into this :) Very honest…. hmmm not sure I would share that to the world, or at least the bloggers of google lol :) xx

  2. April 23, 2009 / 9:26 am

    I enjoyed that Lisa, well done, you're really getting into this blogging lark aren't you?Another word for delete… SHRED!!!Audx

  3. April 23, 2009 / 10:44 am

    aww thanks :) you cant cyber/mobile shred though! LolIt's quite addictive I must say! Got ver excited adding the music! x

  4. April 23, 2009 / 5:05 pm

    Amazing, I just stumbled onto your blog out of nowhere and read this post. I'm in a funk with a similar situation. We've been ex-factors for the past 5 years on the "just friends" trip. However there's still that bad taste left in my mouth even though we both moved on. I'm struggling to severe all ties :

  5. April 23, 2009 / 5:34 pm

    I like your writing style, keep up the good work.The music is perfect, sets the mood.SQ

  6. April 24, 2009 / 10:16 pm

    Thanks for your kind words – very exciting to hear! I am glad you stumbled upon me…Anon – yes so hard to severe all ties – but always nice to know you arent alone :)

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